Yesterday was my six year wedding anniversary and it simultaneously feels like a long time and a short time. When T and I first got together seven and a half years ago, it really did feel like a whirlwind. I fell hard and fast. I remember walking home with him after our first date and thinking that was the best first date of my life. And then he kissed me at the doorstep and because I wasn’t prepared–I thought he was going in for a hug–I fumbled the kiss. I thought, “Well, there goes that. He’ll never talk to me again.” It’s a joke between us now that he did rethink a second date because of it, but it all worked out in the end.
It’s amazing being married to my best friend. He’s the one person I want to talk to about everything. He’s the one I want to share all my favorite experiences with and try new things. He’s the one with whom I want to share all the gossip and tea. (Sorry, if you tell me something, he will most likely hear about it too). We enjoy spending time together and that is how it should be. But throughout our time together, we’ve also recognized how important it is to do things for ourselves as individuals too.
What we do that has significantly helped our relationship is schedule days throughout the week. By this I mean, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays we do things together. Sometimes that means we study separate things or read while cuddling. Some days that means studying and discussing together. Other days we watch a show or a movie. Some days we just hang out and talk or play a game. We don’t spend hours together. Some nights it’s only thirty minutes before I start falling asleep on the couch. Other nights we’re up until eleven o’clock watching silly videos together. We do what feels right in the moment.
The other days of the week we have separate time. Mondays he goes to rugby. Thursdays he games and I read. On Saturdays we try to schedule social time with friends. It isn’t perfect every week. Some weeks we have to change our schedules, but it isn’t a strict, regimented schedule. It’s an ebbing and flowing routine that works for us and our marriage. For us, scheduling the times together–and times apart–are so important especially in the season of young kids. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of individually doom scrolling on our phones or not spending intentional time together. We’re exhausted most evenings, and some evenings are harder than others. Or sometimes, we’re so busy bickering that we aren’t spending impactful or intentional time together.
It’s a difficult line to walk. It’s hard to balance self-care and time with your partner while also balancing the million other trays and tasks that take up space in our minds, but I hope this kind of schedule is a helpful tool for you.
Looking back, we were so young. We made huge life decisions while we still had so much ahead of us. I’m glad our lives have intertwined. I’m glad we met at that birthday party and he graciously decided to drink for me–despite me being horrible at the drinking games. RIP T being sober that night. It’s so interesting to think how much we have grown and changed together. I feel like it’s kind of beautiful about us getting together so young–we’ve gotten to grow and change together and watch it happen. Sometimes we still mess up and make mistakes. Sometimes we fight, argue, bicker, whatever you want to call it. But we know that we aren’t perfect. We know that we continue to choose each other and choose to grow together. We choose to try every day and to work through whatever problems may come our way.