Hello, and welcome back to my small corner of the internet. I took a bit of a hiatus with being busy during the holidays. I feel like the -ber months always slide by and everything else gets lost in it. But now that the winter holidays are over and the New Year is upon us, I’m ready to continue my blog.
The New Year always brings so much promise: what will happen, what can I accomplish, what will I do, and the list goes on with endless questions. Most people say that their diet starts on the first of the New Year. “New Year, new me.” But what if we do realistic goals? What if we just start today? Instead of waiting “until Monday,” or waiting until the New Year, what is stopping us from just doing? For me, I love a good resolution, but I don’t think resolutions need to only happen once a year. We aren’t the same people who started the year, so what makes us think that the goal we have will still apply? I like to set goals for myself throughout the year. They change based off vibes. Just kidding, they change based on the season of life. Right now, my season of life is not running marathons or hitting the gym 5 times a week. Heck, my season isn’t waking up every two hours to feed a newborn. This season of life is about getting my pink back. It’s about watching my two boys grow and change every day. It’s about spending intentional time on my relationship–and spending intentional time with myself. This season is about consistency and showing up. Maybe I don’t go to the gym five times a week, but I go three times. Maybe I’m not training for a half or full marathon, but I’m consistently running 1-4 miles three times a week. Maybe it isn’t going to get my hair done every six weeks, but learning a self-care routine that works for me.
As we enter 2026, I encourage you to access the season of life you are in and be realistic. If you want to start going to the gym, don’t wait until the first. Go today. If you want to start a diet, do your research and start.
During my hiatus, I’ve also been doing a lot of reflection (I know, big surprise, the queen of overthinking). I started this blog for me. I started doing minor content creation for me. I don’t need anything to blow up–sure the money would be nice, but not the point–this isn’t the season for me to work on things going viral. I don’t need to spend hours a day doing content creation or worrying about a blog. I need to do what feels good. If it feels good, that’s great, but if it doesn’t? Why spend my time on it? I have such limited free time during each day, I don’t want to waste a moment of it. I’m not saying I’m quitting. I’m saying, I’m still figuring out how I want to spend my time. I think one of my problems is I’m trying to do a little bit of everything all the time. I’m trying to blog, and parent, and write, and read, and have time with T, and play with my kids, and do household chores, and register O for school, and spend time with friends, and do content creation, and after all that is said and done, still have time for me. How do people do it? How do people have time for all these things? How do they not let the laundry pile up or the dishes sit in the sink? How do they not crash out over the fact that they’ve tidied the living room three-freaking-times already and it’s only 1pm. How do they not get sucked into doom-scrolling after the kids have gone to bed because their brain is fried? How do they take the time to actually do work after the kids are in bed? Because for me, once the kids are in bed, I’m exhausted. My brain feels like it doesn’t work and I don’t have the mental capacity to study or write or get any work done.
How do people do it? What do they give up? What has to be sacrificed? I don’t want to give up any of my hobbies, but I don’t know how to consistently maintain them so they continue to benefit me and help me grow.
Okay, so now that my blog post has turned into a rant, and a streamline of my stressed consciousness, perhaps I’ll be able to breathe a little easier. Or perhaps now that it is out on the internet, I’ll want to gouge my eyes out. I guess time will only tell. Regardless, clearly this topic strikes a nerve with me since this isn’t the first time I’ve written about it.
I know I’m very lucky when I say that T is supportive. I’m lucky we have the ability for me to stay home. I know we are privileged that I can do that–not everyone can. He wants me to do whatever makes me happy, and so, my main goal is figuring out what that is. Or rather, maybe accepting what it is, believing in myself, and truly investing my time and effort. I’m scared. I’m anxious to tell people what I dream of doing. I’m scared of speaking it into reality because what if it doesn’t happen? I’m terrified that I’ll fail or that I’ll be heavily criticized. I’m frightened that I won’t do well. I’m nervous about the response. When people ask what I want to do since I don’t want to go back to teaching, I freeze. I stumble on my words. I shrug my shoulders. I say, “I’m not sure,” but I know that isn’t true. The answer is lodged in my throat. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say the words, because once I do, they’re out there. Other people will know. I tried telling people and it was immediately glossed over. “Oh this person did that,” and then they moved on. No further questions, no interest, no encouragement. I felt… shut down. I felt hurt. It made all the fears and worries rise back up to the surface.
I keep waiting for my parents to pop around the corner and say, “That isn’t a good idea. You should be a lawyer.” (Flashbacks anyone?) I keep waiting for someone really, anyone, to tell me I’m not good enough.
But what if I am?